“Milhouse” is the all-encompassing name I’ve recently taken to bestowing on people who have a habit of, shall we say, “Linking a series of unrelated viewpoints to form a personality.” I settled on “Milhouse,” not because the Simpsons underdog character is in any way ideologically obscure, I chose it because of course, “Nobody likes Milhouse.” To help explain, consider your family. Your family, no doubt, has a Milhouse in it … Continue reading Nobody likes Milhouse/ Trump for Potato of The United States
Bali is the cliché holiday destination for Australians. Like Ibiza to the British or Cancun to Americans, Bali island has long been the tropical place of preference for young tourists to get monstrously drunk every night and so lower the locals opinion of their visitors’ respective nations. “If your nation is so developed” ask the locals “why do you keep throwing up in our cabs?” … Continue reading Are you for scuba?: Not “finding myself” in Bali
“Emma Stone is bae” is how Buzzfeed would describe my first feelings for the flame haired, Disney-eyed actress of such films as Superbad, The Help, and The Erotic Adventures of Hercules. Unlike the quintessential, plastic-like Hollywood “hottie” AKA Megan Fox-type, who look like cartoon characters (I’m thinking Jessica Rabbit), Emma Stone and her kindred bae, Anna Kendrik would no doubt rank highly on the Bill … Continue reading The Man-Crush Hall of Fame/ The work of a man
Occasionally in life you’ll be on the receiving end of an inarguable point, the sort of point that causes a momentary brain short circuit, makes you say “ummmmm…” for a while and then concede that yes, Bryan Cranston was in Saving Private Ryan, or so says IMDB. Very occasionally for me, as I of course am always right. I bore this blunt trauma whilst thinking … Continue reading Wedding Time!/ Nanna “Gets low”
“Put the rabbit on the balcony before you lift” is something I have to tell myself four times a week. As mantras go, I believe it’s a far more profound and actionable insight into the human condition than “Life isn’t about waiting for storms to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain” or other such saccharine sentiment clogging up my Instagram and decorative pillows. … Continue reading #Healthlife by my bunny
I have a very, very dangerous job. At my job, there is always cake. The world of advertising, in which I work, simply put, is : Client has money, and wants to spend some of it on ad space. People who own ad space (media owners) want the client to spend the money on their ad space. Client hires a media agency (me) to pick … Continue reading Less cake. More steak/ Laughing at salad.
“I wish to be a proactive and engaged member of a dynamic team” is what someone I was interviewing once said to me. And she wasn’t even kidding. If she was being witheringly sarcastic I would have hired her on the spot thinking, “She’s like me! Another acolyte for my brood of cynical assholes mwhahahaha!” But alas she was serious. “She’s a martian” I thought. … Continue reading How to interview for job good/ “Dotail-oriented”
“If you are in a partnership now with someone from your own race and country, the chances are excellent that you are at some level related.” – Bill Bryson, A short history of nearly everything. If this quote from my favourite book by one of my favourite authors isn’t enough to get you to move out of your small town, I honestly don’t know what … Continue reading Everyone is racist/related
Several times a year, everyone on Facebook will invite you to share in a common cause sweeping the community. Sometimes it’s for fun, usually it’s an invitation to share in some sort of outrage. Facebookers love to include you in their outrages; Vegetarianism, Carnivorous-ness, gun rights for toddlers, man-spreading, men, zap your termites, save the termites, release the hounds, the current government #boo! etc. with the clear tone … Continue reading Lockout Laws/ Great herds of Emo.
“Blaceblook”, a company by “Blark Bluckerblerg” is an incredibly creative pseudonym I’ve bestowed on a certain social networking company. Because I have to go to their office three or four times a year for work-related snacks and drinks and product training, I want to avoid causing offence. They’re a great business partner, they provide quality service, they have great duck pancakes. I could be talking … Continue reading My office blanket fort/ “Faux pas”